The truth about adulthood

Published by: Elleanor O'Connell | 10-Aug-2016
It sucks. That's it. That's the whole article.
Being a responsible person means setting an alarm and making your internal body clock hate you. It means that when your alarm goes off, you don't have the luxury of flipping it off, turning it off, and then rolling over for another couple of hours of sleep. You're a responsible human being now. Priorities and stuff. Being a responsible person means having a full time job and paying for your parking permit instead of bumming outside of someone's house, hoping you don't get a parking ticket. It doesn't matter that it's twenty-five dollars a week, be responsible and pay the damn thing. You also can't turn up for work and leave work at the time listed on your contract (that's right, responsible people have jobs with contracts). It doesn't matter that you're allowed to go home at five, there is no way you're getting out of that office before the sun goes down. Being a responsible person means planning your meals. Monday has to be chicken salad night and Thursday has to be chicken salad with beetroot night. If you don't plan your meals, your whole responsible adult façade will fall away and you'll end up eating a cheeseburger in your car with your tears of failure for Special Sauce. But being a responsible person means that you get a regular pay check. Regular pay checks means that while your friends are sneaking alcohol into clubs, you can afford to be an asshole and go 'yes sir, I will have the Gold Digger' and pay $30 for a single cocktail. You can also afford to go on that vacation to somewhere hot and tropical, and because you're such a responsible adult you know how to budget and plan so that your wonderful holiday goes off without a hitch. Meanwhile, your irresponsible friends and scraping pennies together to go on a trip that ends early because they run out of money three days in. Being a responsible adult also means the people at the bank are much nicer to you. Instead of giving you the stink eye, they ask you if you want one or two sugars in your complimentary coffee. It means they stand up and shake your hand as they give you the go ahead for your new car loan. So you don't get to sleep in and stay up until five in the morning watching reality TV reruns because you have an actual job to go to in the morning. That's okay though, because you're sitting on your Responsible High Horse and it's a mighty fine view from up there.

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